If there is one thing I can say about attempting to connect objectivity to your experience, is that you will notice the appearance of body language, and other signals transcending your subconscious, becoming visible to your conscious mind. While at first seeming like a gift, this vision ultimately leads to the realization that only your subconscious, and just your subconscious, has the largest amount of potential to utilize this given information. When your body becomes aware of the unspoken language surrounding it, especially if you are someone who has difficulty preforming under pressure, it will attempt and many times fail to cross the line that exists in social situations. This is the line that divides conscious actions and subconscious actions. Signaling other people’s conscious minds with actions that you perceive as subconscious signals is an exercise in futility, as it as far as I know, as it lacks the instinctual reaction that comes from subconscious communication, and can be marred by lesser thoughts and desires rising from your conscious mind. This leads to a circle of failure, in which you are constantly failing social interactions because of your compensation behaviors that can be easily mistaken for selfish or manipulative impulses, or just blind attempts to please.

Of course, if you are the sort of person who thrives off social situations, and can navigate them with ease, I am sure that this vision can be more than advantage. However, for people who are lacking in that department, reaching this point of consciousness expansion and awareness can lead to depression and an inability to even communicate on the simplest of terms in line with your actual beliefs, instead changing every facet of your behavior to please everyone around you.

Then, you get three different reactions. Either you get matched with people who mistake this kindness for weakness and use it against you to undermine your confidence and ability to function, you get matched with people who see it without trying to compensate in your direction at all, or you get people who literally can’t see any of your actions at all, their minds completely enveloped in their own sphere of existence.

I would say that those who live in this purgatory are cursed, however, curse implies that the responsibility lies with another person, whereas this curse is self-inflicted. Intelligence and knowledge are both powerful tools that can also pose threats to one’s sanity. Take this into consideration when you walk along the path to objectivity.

What lies ahead, even I cannot say.

Be safe, my friends.

I shall rise again, like a Phoenix from the ashes.

Transcendence.

The great mechanism.

Eternity.

A storm the size of a small country.

Everything has its place.

I love you all.

Regardless of any doubts or fears that I have had in the past, I have progressed to a point in which the future seems like a tangible destination. A glowing visage in the approachable distance that beckons. Despite negative feelings and stressful moments, a moment similar to the feeling of breaching a mountain peak envelopes me. I feel soaring, as if I am gazing off a distant precipice, observing the world swirl under me. The endless spiral of existence moves still, even in these moments of golden evolution, where the very fabric of time seems to hold still, as if waiting for some significant moment. Perhaps I am already inside of the moment, a period of time that outstrips my original designation and perception. Moments are fickle beings, possessing the ability to either stretch out for unknowable time periods, to existing for only a second of paralyzed feeling. I am proud to have witnessed several moments in my life, tales that I will save for another time.

This moment extends onward.

Thank you for reading.

P.S.

Enjoy.

If you are reading this, then I screwed up big time, and the fractal didn’t transport this journal to my room. I’ve always figured the god damn things were too untrustworthy to be worth anything except the occasional jump from imminent death. However, more to the point, the manuscript that you have just stumbled upon is about one of the most important events that has ever happened to me, and probably the entire world.

Well…one of the versions of the world anyway.

Anyway, If I were you, I would just put this journal back where I found it and move on. There are things that ignorance are welcome to. Things that may prevent you from looking at the “normal” world that you live in the same way.

If you chose to put this away now, farewell. I sincerely hope that you live your life peacefully and happily. Count yourself lucky that you can go on living ignorant of the secrets concerning our worlds. There are countless people to meet and places to see out there. Enjoy what you have now and don’t leave a single regret behind.

However, if you do decide to keep reading further, prepare yourself. You are about to fall very deep into the rabbit hole from Alice in Wonderland.

Spirit Rush (In Progress)

As I walk along the rugged shoreline of coastal Maine, I toss ideas around my head about the true context of what we live in. Taking the good, with the bad. The successes British tourism had in popularizing the idea of everyday people exploring the wide world we are surrounded by, countered by the social and economic costs that come with engaging in these behaviors without thinking of the world outside your own. How we, as humans, are made to feel this earth. We are designated for what we designate, we feel for what we want to feel. Our bodies and minds, in their incredible, multifaceted natures enables us to truly experience the wide variety of feelings this world has to offer, in addition to promising so much more if we chose to

A. Perpetuate our own existence here with the idea of sustainability and renew-ability.

B. Progress our technology to a point where we can explore worlds beyond our own, whether from metaphysical standpoint, a multidimensional standpoint, or a  __________ standpoint. Space flight promises just the beginning of what could be one hell of a journey.

I feel as if I am at the cusp of the universe, feeling the great context of a millennium below me, waiting for the next step to be taken.

Perhaps that next step will be close to home than we are imagining. I have been reading this fascinating book recently titled: The History of the Occult. It gives an interesting look into a different perspective, one that delves deep into mechanization of the human brain, and a vast array of historical accounts describing events, abilities,  and manifestations of varying degrees of strangeness.

Now if would excuse me, I have a environment to experience.

I would like to extend gratitude to everyone that contributed in making my life the way it is. My parents, Seth Duston and Heidi Sherrick-Duston, did a phenomenal job in giving me the tools necessary to build myself the foundations for a successful life. With their guidance, despite personal failure and obstacles, I was able to establish myself in a world that too often pushes people out the door without a full context and a means to perpetuate. I would like to thank my girlfriend Kudra Abaco for supporting me through the hardest decision I have had to make. You helped me whenever you could, and pushed me to do more with myself. I would also like to thank Stephanie A. Duston and her husband Lee for giving me advice for this and other tough decisions that I had to make recently. You both helped reinforce the wisdom of being patient.

I find myself at the plateau of my education, having been in school now for most of my life.

I now study not to establish the minimum education needed for employment, but for a specific degree field that features relevant, real-world applications to progress us into incoming years. 

Am I excited?

Of course.

Is this going to be intense as shit?

Probably.

…….

*Puts on dark sunglasses*

Hell yeah.

Mom,

The things that you inspire simply by existing are just a small part of what makes you, you. Ever since I was young, you pushed me to progress, both physically and mentally. With that, you created new additions to this generation that, regardless of what field or career we choose, will go on to completely revolutionize the way people think and act just from our presence within their own subjective perspective. We are trailblazers, but only because the people that created us blazed trails themselves, and passed those experiences on to us. So, for this, I want to thank you. You helped me create the consciousness that I know and love today, and considering the actions I observe in other people, I am extremely thankful that you did it with careful, logical consideration. I love you, not only for birthing me into this world, but for pushing me from the womb of parenthood to the adult world, where I can find my own calling, and see what is to be seen.

Thank you for being the best mother for us that could ever be had, in any reality, in any alternate universe, in any dimension of alternate physics where the entirety of what we know is unknown and the implications are beyond our organic minds.

Mothers carry some of the most intense significance that this universe has to offer. Males may drive progress through intent and physical action, however females are the force that perpetuates existence, in addition to being able to influence actions from a physical standpoint if needed.

With that, you could say that females are also responsible for creating the culture that we enjoy today, by birthing humans that have the special genetic makeup needed to come up with the ideas that shape humankind.

In addition, were we not birthed into existence from the universe itself, given my earlier post concerning all of matter being composed of interlinking, multi-formed energy? You could draw a conclusion that females are a direct connection to the infinite endlessness that encompasses our reality from that point.

Females are gods. They are gods that care about their creations so much that they take on a job, a position within reality that holds no equal.

So go to your mother and thank her. She is responsible for the reality that you claim ownership over.

Happy Mothers Day.

The days before graduation feel like traversing a world of clouds.

The things I am doing obtain a more objective feel to them as the slow realization of upcoming change takes hold.

I find myself looking wistfully at my surroundings, realizing that the environments that I am accustomed to are shifting.

A great weight lies on my shoulders; however, the weight feels lessened, as if some strange, metaphysical being is assisting me to the conclusion of my undergraduate career.

I remember the first day of grade school, when the teacher informed us that we would be studying within various educational systems for 10+ years. They talked about college as if it was a distant memory, golden gates of scholarly expertise that lie behind years of studying and refinement. Now, nearing the conclusion of my bachelors degree, I feel almost completely disassociated from that childlike feeling of wonder that pervaded me all those years ago. No longer it is something to dream about–rather it has manifested in my life as a physical objective.

As you may or may not have seen, I have recently been recommended by FSU’s Urban and Regional Planning Masters Degree Admissions Board to enter their master’s program. This represents a potential advance that defies what I dreamed about during my grade school years. In another world, perhaps the Tower of Alexandria for example, this move would be seen as more prestigious and responsible from a scholarly standpoint. In this world, the only thing that people equate a degree to is money, and I feel like that doesn’t do the process justice. There was once a respect for people who engaged in higher learning, rather than it just being a requirement for any person who exists. College is extremely expensive, and the implications of pursuing a degree should be taken into consideration by all parties involved, including the student themselves. There shouldn’t be any stigma granted to people who decide not to pursue a higher education, as it represents the freedom of choice that aligns with the most basic of freedoms that our nation advertises. However, at the same time, acknowledgement needs to be given to those who decide to forgo financial independence in order to pursue their dreams.

I am so sick of people talking shit about degree choices. Who gives a fuck if a person decides to pursue a degree in English literature? In the end, all you are doing is preventing our country from perpetuating the expansion of culture, which is the fucking reason why life is worth living. Unless you are some emotionless robot who just exists to preform your function, you partake in America’s culture, one way or another. It could be a popular TV show, books–hell, even automobiles. Inspiration inspires inspiration. Did you know that the Delorean only received its legendary status when a movie franchise based its time travel device designs off of the car model? Did you know that books are written by people who study English literature? Did you know that any form of media ever was inspired by culture? Did you also know that without a culture, we would become emotionless husks, and fail to advance as a species?

The people who study right now are the most selfless, self-depreciating individuals you could imagine. We have entire generations of people who are going to be in thousands of dollars in debt, entirely driven by their own curiosity and promise of progression. Rather than being satisfied with what is presented, this is a manifested attempt to partake in the struggle to innovate that we have been coping with since we because a capitalistic monolith. However, this has come at a cost.

“1 out of every 4 college students suffers from some form of mental illness, including depression. 44 percent of American college students report having symptoms of depression. 75 percent of college students do not seek help for mental health problems. Suicide is the third leading cause of death among college students.” (Kerr, 2012)

So, riding the conclusion of my undergraduate degree into the summer, I have to thank a couple of people.

Mom and Dad, thank you for always believing in me, and supporting my endeavors throughout all the bad times, and the great times. You both inspired me to achieve heights that I never thought possible, and provide logical, persistent advice.

Kudra Abaco. Thank you for editing my papers, and providing a voice of guidance during moments of uncertainty.

Professor Judith Cuadra, though I observed the master’s program with eagerness, my progression was partly in due to your counsel as I finished my undergraduate degree in your class. I look forward to collaborating with you in the future.

Citation

Kerr, M. (2012, March 29). Depression and College Students. Retrieved April 29, 2017, from http://www.healthline.com/health/depression/college-students

Weakness.

The one part of yourself that leads to eventual failure. A concept that manifests itself as numerous fallacies and character flaws.

Yet it is by showing weakness that we are able to move on and progress. Regardless of any perceived hits to the ego that this entails, in the end the problem is identified, and the first steps to solving it have been undertaken, either by you, or the people around you.

It is by withholding and hiding your weaknesses that you are the most vulnerable, as you have no ability to identify and fix them. If they were to start a spiral within your day-to-day life, you would be so deeply in denial about them that there would initially be a lack of realization that you are succumbing to your own weakness.

My last words would be to see the showing of weaknesses as a sign of personal struggle and internal debate, rather than a reflection of the one’s validity as a functioning person.

Kibera Project Paper (Final Edit)